French investigators made a starling discovery today while looking for the black box in the 2009 Rio to Paris Airbus crash. Delighted at the recent retrieval of not one, but two flight recorders they also found to their amazement a white shrouded object 6 feet, five inches long.
Stamped with US Priority mail with no return address, chief investigators Henri Shitts and Pascal Ballcock shrugged their shoulders and pouted their lips to their extraordinary find. “When we drew back the cloth at first we thought it was ZZ Top then on closer inspection we realized it was indeed Osama Bin Laden”.
It reminded us of the HBO show Six Feet Under minus the reconstructions skills of Federico Diaz. On his chest was tattooed a sentence saying gas prices to stay at four dollars per gallon for the foreseeable future.
“To be witness to such an historical event and unwitting observers of a DNA inquisition is most humbling”. Ballcock added. If it wasn’t for our validation a giant question mark would be hanging over us forever”.
Desi On Twitter# The Pakistani tourist board just announced cheap flights to Abbottabad with the slogan
“Come for tranquility, no interuptions and where you will be never be found, responsible for own litter”
Hemorrhaging from the Situation Room Wolf Blitzer fumed at the suggestion that we needed the French to authenticate the true identity and doubt our word.
“The French were quick to dismiss our role in Iraq and Afghanistan, they were overrun in World War Two, they have a mutinous national soccer team, they don’t serve pastries after 12pm, and now they show leadership in Libya! This is the final straw claiming they are arbiters of proof! Talk about late to the party…”
As a postscript to this ten year ordeal the FBI announced that Simon Cowell has been elevated to No. 1 on most wanted list.
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