8 Hits in 60 seconds

A funny thing happened to me this morning at breakfast; I was opening my Kellogg’s Corn Flakes and out popped a bong pipe. In days gone by it used to be some mysterious plastic figurine that would hold your attention, for what seemed hours while you munched away staring at the cereal box. This was brilliant marketing on the part of Kellogg’s. In Ireland during the 80’s a Green Card would fall out causing a systemic exodus to the land of Uncle Kellogg.

In recent days we have witnessed rampant lunacy among the righteous who claim swimming superstar Michael Phelps smoking cannabis is leading all children to the gates of hell.
Kellogg’s in their infinite wisdom dropped sponsorship for the 14 times Olympic gold medalist.

‘He was a role model for the young and impressionable’ cried the serial cerealists.

A role model!! Perhaps the only role model should be ones parents, and that’s a stretch in most cases.

We can’t even get our Senators to pay taxes, our Judges to pay for nannies and Governors to stop working the prostitution ring. Talk about reaching for the impossible.
The level of hypocrisy makes me want to take up Water polo. Was there any outcry about the beers he was slamming down or the number of shots thrown back?

Apparently not, because that is acceptable and glorified, most advertising would crumble without having booze to promote; not mention how it’s promoted. Alcohol is just as disruptive as drugs and yet some people are still blind to this fact.

Michael Phelps is 23 and for the most of those 23 years he has sacrificed a great deal to reach his goals and dreams. To penalize him on behavior that most young adults do on regular basis is ridiculously unfair.

And let’s face it, what is frostie flake Tony the Tiger smoking when he beams ‘They’re Grrreat!!

Salary Cap

President Obama has imposed a $ 500,000 cap on executive pay for companies who receive federal bailout money. In addition the elimination of golden parachutes for the top five to ten executives would be implemented and Shareholders would have more say on executive compensation.

Indeed this is a noble effort. In part to counter the groundswell of outrage from Main Street and to get the stimulus bill passed through the Senate.

Sadly this will not apply to the companies that already have or are in the process of receiving TARP money. So the CEO’s of AIG, Citigroup, and Bank of America and so on will be allowed to languish with their millions off shore somewhere.

However strident these plans are they won’t combat the pervasive nature of Wall Street which is Greed.

“Who is going to work for a messily half million bucks a year with no bonus?” is the primal scream from the Board room. When you have been used to getting tens of millions it must feel like chicken feed.

The idea that CEO’s are paid astromincal amounts for failure is an argument worth propagating. So far there haven’t been any protests in the streets to demand serious penalties and jail time. If a million people can come out to an inauguration why the same number can’t come out and voice vitriolic disgust.

E mailing dissent won’t just do, me included here. Pushing executives out of their Gulf Stream jets without a parachute is a wonderful act of symbolism to end the tradition.

But if it’s greedy Brook Brothers clad types with hands in the till then it’s also lawmakers who don’t want to pay taxes. Business as usual? Not a healthy way start to a new administration.

At least some withdrew before hypocrisy was allowed to stain the new carpets in the Oval office.
If the banks are now nationalized, then the top job should be paid as much as the President which is $400,000.

What are you complaining about…you just got an extra $ 100,000… did you earn it?

Stimulation Anyone ?

Stimulation is on our minds everybody. Stimulate new jobs, stimulate the economy, and stimulate the need not to surrender to whimsical cravings. Stimulate, stimulate, stimulate is the mantra. So much stimulation I need to lie down and digest $800 Billion bucks.

That’s a loada money peeps. And the printing presses are going to need plenty of stimulation to print that lot. Now printing money has its draw backs, inflation comes to mind, but no one cares a hoot about that at the moment.

No something Eco unfriendly and mankind’s biggest investment is at stake. What happens when we run out of paper and ink? (Coins won’t matter because inflation will eventually take care of that)

My concern is that there will be no more trees left to print paper, build houses and oxygen to breathe. Maybe that’s the idea, a slow decline of civilization by an avalanche of paper.

Meanwhile as a person who lives in a Tree house this brings a whole new meaning to the word foreclosure.

There is much stimulus chatter about part time work, the idea being; better to have a job with less money than have no job at all. In Europe they call this the three day week. Everybody gazed their eyes across the pond to France who have been on a three day week since Bastille Day. It is European law to have four weeks paid vacant/holiday, but now that America is a Socialist State perhaps we now can qualify?!

And lastly, a stimulus idea from the great dispenser of brilliant thinking, Rush Limbaugh; I would cut taxes and watch the stock market go crazy. Crazy being the operative word here.
As a Congressman from Florida, Alan Grayson rightly pointed out, Limbaugh actually was more lucid when he was a drug addict. If America ever did 1% of what he wanted us to do, then we'd all need pain killers."
This also could be said for listening to The Grateful Dead. No amount of stimulus could bring us unified joy.

Day One

WHAT WAS THE FIRST THING YOU DID IN THE OBAMA ERA ?

Thought Edward Kennedy was hogging the limelight
Had a cocktail
Had lunch
Had sex
Had sex again
Kiss
Paid bills
Told someone you loved them
Got a passport
Went on a diet
Fluffed your lines
Found a job
Lost a job
Joined the military
Started yoga
Wrote a song
Cut up a credit card
Gave birth
Listened to Beyonce again…
Got a bailout… another one
taxes

Finally...

MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU

"George Lucas 1977"

Royal Ass

We might share the same name and country but thank goodness nothing else. Following on blindly in his grandfathers footsteps, Prince Harry has yet again made a Royal Ass of himself.

Previous endeavors of bad taste have not held much sway with Officer Harry. It was a couple of years ago Harry turned up at a party in a Nazi uniform, only to have his pugnacious face splashed on every front page ink will allow.

Now, revealed as the nearest thing to a Royal sex tape, is video footage of officer Harry unleashing disparaging remarks about his own men. This recent incident exposes Harry using a racial slur towards a fellow Pakistani officer and making unflattering references to Arab headwear.

While it would be naive of me to think this behavior doesn’t exist. The example set by possibly (If William dies or becomes a Scientologist) a future King and commander of the British armed forces doesn’t look to promising.

Indeed the British taxpayer, who pays for these privileged souls to have the best education possible might think twice about the benefits Royalty has to offer them. Given the current economic collapse their actual worth must be considered a financial liability.

If you remember last summer, Officer Harry was keen to display his call to duty by demanding he fought on the front line in Afghanistan. Commendable perhaps, but a good PR stunt all the same. While on the front line he was protected by a brigade of Gurkhas who are warrior like and are fiercely loyal.

The Gurkhas hail from Nepal and last time I looked they have similar skin tone to Pakistanis. They might feel underappreciated considering they were risking their lives for him.

Historically, the Royal Family doesn’t have a good track record when it comes to bigotry and gaffes. Namely Prince Phillip who down the years has made racial slurs against the Chinese and the Queen Mother was a notorious bigot.

In today’s multicultural Britain (if its subjects want a Monarch) it needs to have a worthy modern Monarchy that accepts the variety and diverse cultures that now make up Great Britain. Officer Harry’s remarks leave a nasty stain that exhibit the changing of the old guard has some way to go.

It's a Madoff Madoff World

Breaking news... disgraced swindler Bernard Madoff has put his jewelry to good use, and bribed a TSA (Transport Security Administration) Hip Hop wannabe to let him board a plane bound for Egypt. It is there, reportedly he was smuggled through the only remaining tunnel into the Gaza Strip.

Images released today reveal a buoyant Madoff, wearing a fetching pair of olive green fatigues and supporting his trademark smirk.

He was later seen on top of a Nissan Truck brandishing a RPG (rocket propelled grenade) aimed at Tel Aviv. In a speech carried live over Fox news, he declared he could provide annual returns to the Palestine people of Falafel and Baba Ghanoush and he would not take a fee.

He went on to say that he had plans to develop Gaza into a new Palm Springs, and that Kevin Bacon would become its Mayor.

As word spread throughout the Strip, the sounds of tank fire and gunships melted away. The IDF (Israeli Defense Force) and reservists had put down their weapons in protest due to fact that their student loans and stipend for Hashish had evaporated under the leadership of Madoff Securities International.

Back in New York, Joan Rivers was gracious enough to cancel her twentieth face lift to report from the Anti - Defamation league headquarters, where its leader Abraham Foxman had this to say.

“Not content with fleecing his own people, he now present himself savior of Palestine, it’s enough to wake Ariel Sharon from his coma… “