Culinary Conclave

A sensible Republican once said after the Obama 2012 election victory; we are a party of fat, old white men.

Hello that looks remarkably like the Vatican City.

In Rome today the Cardinals of varying plumpness are in a conclave to elect a new Pope.

Shrouded in Secrecy and unbending tradition, 115 Cardinals have the chance to shape history.

Here one might think a fine opportunity could present itself, a moment where an African, Spanish or Asian pope could be elected.

In light of a dwindling European congregation and its historic hold on papacy a change of color would make sense.

South, Central America, Africa and Asia are where the Catholics are for Heaven’s sake – Make it so! In Star Trek vernacular. 

But sense was never the Church of Rome’s forte and indeed much of religion falls short on logic. 

Ironically during the next few days the cardinals will be banished from the outside world. No Twitter, Facebook or phone calls. What a metaphor for the closeted world these powerful men reside.

It would take me days if not months to pinpoint all of the troubles the Church faces and much of it a recurring theme. A recent resignation of the head of the Scottish Catholic church neatly illustrates the ongoing hypocrisy billowing above the Sistine chapel.

There are some interesting specifics concerning this splash of pageantry. This election is the most bet upon non sporting event in the world. A lot of dosh will exchange hands and none of it will pay the Vatican’s heating bills.

Allegedly in the 14^th Century there was a fabulous story concerning Pope Joan who yes, you guessed it, was a woman. To prevent further mayhem chairs were made with large holes to determine the sex of the cardinals or to see who was castrated. 

This wonderfully dovetails into the Room of Tears, a room where the newly appointed pope is overcome with emotion to compose oneself before the Balcony appearance. Tears indeed; a woman pope or castration – you chose?

Instead of white smoke wafting upward to illustrate a decision, how about a culinary starch for indication?

Would it be pasta for an Italian pope, potatoes for a northern hemisphere pope or rice for Africa, Asia and South America pope?