Cover Up and Comb Over

A man with an uncanny resemblance to Donald Trump was caught breaking and entering into the NYC Department of Health and Mental Hygiene Office of Vital Records. Upon capture officers from the sanitation dept found a pair of rubber gloves, a felt tip pen, white out and a stencil.

When questioned, the man who later surrendered his true identity as Donald Stunt declared the world needed to know what a fraud I am.

“My hair isn’t real I stole it from Margaret Thatcher, which makes me British. I wanted her halo effect but had to make do with an abridged version in keeping with my adequate business skills and constant illusions of grandeur. Like everything I do in private and public life, I was trying to bullshit my way through without anyone noticing. I guess I will always be an apprentice and eventually will be fired and Miss World won’t love me anymore and I am only worth a week’s metrocard”.

“In addition I never went to an Ivy League school, in fact no school would tolerate such an ego the size of Nova Scotia and I have to have Trump sprayed all over the place because I can’t spell my name”.

Speaking from a padded cell in downtown central booking Donald Stunt lamented his first wife’s characterization of him as a slivering sack of slime, but she had a funny eastern bloc accent, I thought she meant sizzling, sexy and divine.

It wasn’t until number two came along (she had a funny accent too, Georgia- I think that’s in the Untied States) that I was listening to my own headlines.

As word spread that the famous comb over was a cover up the media pressed the White House for commentary.

“Donald Stunt’s bigoted theories and subsequent arrest only confirms Barrack Obama’s 2012 election chances are all but guaranteed” said the White House Speech writer Lionel Phibbs. “He makes Sarah Palin and Rush Limbaugh sound like the megaphone of reason; this I am sure will catapult the President into pole position”.

It was then Katie Couric’s deep searching question from her new job at the National Enquirer to ask how Mr. Obama’s daughters felt about the recent events.

“I am very happy; it will take us another four years in the White House to find where daddy put those dang Easter Eggs said Sasha.

“Well you know what rhymes with Stunt” replied Malia.

B.C. Before Cadbury's

Breaking News...

Archeologists have just made an important discovery, fragments of multicolored tin foil have been found at the Cenacle on the Mount Zion. This allegedly was the location where Jesus and other notable Foodies had the Last Supper.

Mortimer Bottomsworth Rhodes Scholar and professor of Confectionary at Christ Church College Oxford and his trusty crew of day labors found what appear to be Cadbury Cream egg wrappers. This startling development has thrown the whole culinary world into total consternation.

In what could only be characterized as a Christian food fight, and speaking from an undisclosed location (Wal-Mart aisle 4, Newark, New Jersey) Professor Bottomsworth enthused that previous conclusions of the menu contained the usual fare of the day; herb encrusted lamb, lemongrass shish kebab, apricot pork Provencal and a scrotum sack full of chicken Mac nougats wasn’t at all what was consumed that night.

Professor Bottomsworth further added. "Its no wonder Judas bashed out on sugar turn chocoholic Jesus into the authorities."

"The Eucharist must review its snack policy if we are to revise this historical breakthrough. From now on Sunday Communion must serve chocolate eggs and Cadburys at that. I am totally convinced that congregations around the world would swell and even Muslims will convert. This is a Win Win, as they say Seminary School".

"It makes perfect sense why Jesus would raise from the dead and most likely that he invented the Dow Jones".

"Cadburys stands to become the biggest publicly traded company in the world. And they don’t even have an App for that!"

"It is abundantly clear to me, the professor frothed “BC means Before Cadbury’s”

Comments from the Vatican and the Archbishop of Canterbury voiced displeasure with these findings claiming Professor Bottomsworth a Heretic and unbridled opportunist. However reports reveal they both have opened an E* TRADE account.