Cycling Crimes

If one was of a religious persuasion the route to forgiveness or absolution maybe your Priest, Rabbi, Imam or local hair stylist.

For celebrities it is the TV screen or the cellular screen for such acts of atonement or admission.

Celebrities whether worthy or not have a number of gods they can turn to for salvation. 

One such God or Goddess in this case is Oprah. Oprah’s confessional couch has a large viewership whereby one, might have a fair hearing. 

Next week it’s to be Lance ‘Louse’ Armstrong's declaration of guilt to cycling crimes.

This is indicative of the garish world we inhabit, a world where many bare themselves like a Bergdorf window display, every nuance exposed for mass consumption. 

Cameras and social media in some conspiratorial cement have afforded us instant replay of our daily minutia.

Narcissism in overdrive.

But back to Armstrong; what can we expect from a serial deceiver, some form of soft landing onto Oprah’s cushions that will airbrush away the fact millions of people were fooled into years of delusion?

Perhaps it’s premature to voice what could transpire from such a spectacle. Much chatter and suspicion has emerged 

to how godly Oprah could handle such a event. 

Rather like interviewing Bernie Maddof minus the suicides.

Oprah needs ratings for her new show which has not fared to well unlike her former network show. 

To have the scoop on Armstrong’s potential atonement might serve her needs, but will do little in way of convincing the general public that Armstrong should be forgiven. 

If Saint Oprah has any influence this could be a genuine moment to declare ‘do people really care if their sports heroes are taking drugs? ‘

The stadiums are full, season tickets are snapped up, and concessions fill our belly's with expansive joy. Clearly the public have voted with their pocket books with bums in seats.

If that modicum of truth was realized then at least we would have some honestly in a dishonest world.

Red Rogue

Evidently Belgium is not big enough for the French rich looking for tax shelters.

We learn that Russia, with its usual criminal charm has granted Gerard Depardieu full citizenship. 

Whether he takes up this offer remains to be seen. But judging by his enormous appetite for sloth he should fit well with the confines of the Russian gang-literati.

With all the refinement of a Bordeaux vintner, departing Depardieu provides us with a real time cinematic ‘Green Card’.

Will he knock up some Russian Tantric tennis babe and mount the Kremlin throne and denounce France to the dogs? Or could this be a Putin ploy to have all France become Russian?

Considering Russia has a flat tax rate of 13% this PR stunt serves well to a diminishing French lifestyle in need of some restoration.

Apparently he is a star in Russia by promoting a credit card of a well known bank, and credited no less with being a cultural ambassador from France - conspicuously the Russians have a sense of humor. 

For now a petite village inside the Belgium border furnishes grumpy Gerard with all things French, but close enough to hurl foul mouth rants into neighboring motherland.

From his apartment he is within sight of the drapeau tricolore limping in the wind like the French economy. 

Interestingly the Russian flag is quite similar to the French flag just in case he has a change of heart or fortune.

As the Clash song sings ‘Should I stay or should I go?’

Mr Depardieu clearly has gone, perhaps with ‘Red Card’ in hand.

Money Swears and Shoots

The recent nightmare in Newtown Connecticut illustrates another sad chapter in the going struggle between perceived freedom and a realistic life with armaments.

I say armaments because today guns and rifles are extraordinary powers of destruction.

Could this be a 911 moment when everything changed? Probably not.

Let’s face it, Money swears and shoots.

Follow the money it all leads to bedlam in the end.

Until every Politian, CEO, Board member of a major Corporation’s children is shot to pieces; a valid and committed change will not take place.

Sounds harsh? Sounds unrealistic? Correct. How much more dramatic does it have to be? These are children we talking about.

With the Mental Health issue aside, each day we are reminded through all outlets of the media how incompetent and gridlocked the government is. With this in mind, how could a tyrannical government be a threat to its citizens? 

And yet gun advocates use this old and tired argument time and time again.

Hey guys what’s the worry if Government is disorganized and inept?

The majority of Politian’s are cowards, most follow than lead. And all follow the money.

Lawmakers and leaders (so called leaders) need money in order to get into power. We have just had a horrendous election where over a billion dollars was spent.

President Obama’s graceful articulation to the Nation is welcome but meaningless if not backed up with courageous acts to ban entirely or at least partially the right for armaments.

His record on gun control in the first four years of office wasn’t particularly robust, maybe in the next four years without the worry being re elected he can make a difference.

However I do understand people wanting to go to a shooting range and shoot targets and I do understand people fears for home intrusion, not because the gun is always the best choice but law enforcement might be not ready available and the trust factor between the citizen and law enforcement has broken down. But an arsenal of weapons and type of weapons makes it all too easy for mayhem. 

The ‘World’ you want is dictated by the ‘Money’ you spend.

In the case of the NRA its powerful lobby maintained that Politian’s remain in fear, not for being shot, but of being out of office.

President Reagan was shot and yet he still supported the right to bears arms. If he had died (then) his tombstone would of read, Long Live the NRA.

It is not just lawmakers that are responsible, but the public also. Even if laws were passed to ban armaments entirely there would be not enough police to enforce the law. 

A re - calibration of thinking on armaments has to begin. If the slaughter of twenty children isn’t enough to provoke a mature response, then we are all dismal failures.

Four Star Vagina

What do two four star generals’, one socialite woman, a woman biographer and a shirtless FBI agent have in common? The Military Industrial Complex.

That’s the cast so far, maybe there are more waiting on server farms.

The rapidly evolving tale of America’s Top spy and Military leader’s scandal has thrown the talk of the fiscal cliff off the headlines with alarming speed. 

And lets faced it; it’s far more interesting than that election nonsense we’ve just gone through.

For the uninitiated I would try explain the unfolding events but I can’t, because I am too stupid to work out all the confusing details, but in a nutshell it’s about men kneeling before the vagina altar. 

Hmm that’s more confusing isn’t, I will try and enlighten.

In a culture where we are petrified of the nipple, the female nipple to be precise, we are in some corridors of conservatism reduced to E Sex. 

Yes electronic digits buzzing across the screen like sperm swimming to the finish line. And boy can it cause trouble.

In this brave new world of Internet indulgence we are not shy to share our junk so to speak. Internet trolls, you know who you are. 

But the power of the vagina is old as dirt and what lengths men go too; to get one is a never ending narrative.

From a marketing point of view they come in all shapes and sizes, young and old (well preferably young) hair and bare, and some out of the box- it doesn’t matter because men are All In.

In military terms who needs nuclear bombs, drones and and aircraft carriers’ when all you need to dismantle the head of snake is a women, or a flotilla of them.

The biggest weapon in anyone’s arsenal is the female sex hence the Taliban’s determination to crush anything that resembles women. But there’s more, a lot more how about a vagina with brains! Crickets!! 

This is the ultimate force du jour and this sends men of all ranks into tail spin of lunacy.

For now we have one resignation and who knows what’s next, however as a historical footnote I seem to remember a chap by the name of Bill Clinton who had maneuvers under desk, on the desk and an additional smoking spy gadget. 

But this didn’t deter Bubba; the only way he was leaving office was through dying of Big Mac poisoning or with a firm guarantee of twelve crystal vagina's upon exit.

Enlightened? Thought so…

Signed Sealed and Delivered

In keeping with Stevie Wonders Signed Sealed and Delivered celebrating President Obama’s re election, I thought it would be fitting to suggest some songs that might reflect the next chapter in the White House.

If Bruce Springsteen, Bob Dylan, Jay Z, and Barbara Streisand are stumping for you, and your opponent’s rebuttal is Meatloaf and Kid Rock that should give you a little hint.

Starting with Bob Dylan’s ‘It’s All Over Now Babe Blue’ strikes me as a relief the whole two year campaign is over and that the outcome was a favorable blue color.

The Beatles ‘Money’ (That’s What I Want) should reinforce the absurdity of election money raised and wasted considering we are back to where we started. 

And collectivity Supertramps ‘Take the Long Way Home’ would indicate two years of slogging around the country woefully detrimental and accomplishes nothing in the way of governing. 

Again the Beatles ‘Taxman’ looks to the pending fiscal cliff and what to do about expiring tax breaks.

‘Stuck in the Middle with You’ the Stealer's Wheel original would expose the fractious relationship with Congress and departing from a centrist position to finally doing what is required. 

Kool and the Gang ‘Get down on it’ might be worth a spin.

Bruce Springsteen’s ‘Born in The USA’ should once and for all shut up Donald Stunt and the loony Birthers that testify otherwise.

And yet again the Beatles ’Come Together ‘(weren’t they political) states the obvious regarding the whole Nation.

Finally David Bowie's ‘Better Future’ exemplifies the desire we all seek.

‘Amen’…oh that’s a song by Justin Robert James and awfully good by the way.

The Needle And The Damage Done

Lance Armstrong’s decent into the bowels of ignominy was as quick as Felix Baumgartner’s free fall to earth, and about as stable 

as the US Postal Service, the teams sponsor.

To quote the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency there is "overwhelming" evidence Armstrong was involved as a professional cyclist in "the most sophisticated, professionalized and successful doping program." 

Armstrong has persistently maintained his innocence but the blockade of lies just could hold no more. 

The once impenetrable dam has broken and all conspirators are awash in confessions. The suspicious have been vindicated and the sports future once again thrown into disarray.

The great casualty in all this is the power of truth, that the triumphant endeavors are a mirage and done with deliberate dishonestly. There is a wonder and marvel at someone winning seven Tour de France. 

We have an awe-inspiring desire for it to be true. And yet it was all a sham, a mafia like syndicated group to keep the gravy train rolling and create myth.

The damage done erodes trust and that trust implicates future young riders and charities.

So when you see Lance whizzing down 5^th avenue as a bike messenger spare a thought for all those he let down.

The same could be said of Jimmy Savile, now dead who was the golden untouchable icon of British entertainment. Over three hundred charges of child abuse over several decades have come forward. 

While he raised millions for charity and worked in a hospital he also found it a playground for exploitation. 

The BBC knew all along, but turned a blind eye. One always had a high regard of the BBC’s legitimacy but that too has been eroded.

It’s not the scandal that kills you, it’s the cover up. 

The English punk band The Stranglers had a wonderful song called ‘No More Heroes’ maybe heroes aren’t what we need but a shred of veracity would be nice.

Primetime Prick

After days of infantile teasing Donald Stunt plus hairpiece revealed Wednesday that he had some very important news for America. 

Something so illuminating that at the stroke of mid day YouTube would break all viewership records. 

The tension was palpable, could it be -

• He was announcing marital infidelity with Mitt Romney thus the beachfront property in La Jolla was now a shared concern for Ann and the boys.
• That from now on he would be parting his hair to the right (extreme right)
• Or that he had finally arrived at reason and declared he was a new category of sub Neanderthal, and that the word ‘loathsome’ was far too benevolent to describe such a specimen. 
• Maybe he was really a part of the 47% and decades of bullshit in actual fact revealed he was broke and under water.
• Too thank New Yorkers and the World at large for their remarkable tolerance in putting up with his all round foulness and garish buildings.

But No, it was to perpetrate another stunt baiting President Obama into producing documents stating passport and college records. 

For five million dollars to a charity of choice, all could be revealed and the world could rest assure that ‘The Donald’ had done his civic duty.

How could we ever repay you for such a noble maneuver? 

It is a hollow offer mind, considering the demise of Trump holdings and just another boorish gesture from a primetime prick. 

Somewhere in that far off land called Trump, employees will revolt and vote to cut the video feed once and for all.