Stimulation Anyone ?

Stimulation is on our minds everybody. Stimulate new jobs, stimulate the economy, and stimulate the need not to surrender to whimsical cravings. Stimulate, stimulate, stimulate is the mantra. So much stimulation I need to lie down and digest $800 Billion bucks.

That’s a loada money peeps. And the printing presses are going to need plenty of stimulation to print that lot. Now printing money has its draw backs, inflation comes to mind, but no one cares a hoot about that at the moment.

No something Eco unfriendly and mankind’s biggest investment is at stake. What happens when we run out of paper and ink? (Coins won’t matter because inflation will eventually take care of that)

My concern is that there will be no more trees left to print paper, build houses and oxygen to breathe. Maybe that’s the idea, a slow decline of civilization by an avalanche of paper.

Meanwhile as a person who lives in a Tree house this brings a whole new meaning to the word foreclosure.

There is much stimulus chatter about part time work, the idea being; better to have a job with less money than have no job at all. In Europe they call this the three day week. Everybody gazed their eyes across the pond to France who have been on a three day week since Bastille Day. It is European law to have four weeks paid vacant/holiday, but now that America is a Socialist State perhaps we now can qualify?!

And lastly, a stimulus idea from the great dispenser of brilliant thinking, Rush Limbaugh; I would cut taxes and watch the stock market go crazy. Crazy being the operative word here.
As a Congressman from Florida, Alan Grayson rightly pointed out, Limbaugh actually was more lucid when he was a drug addict. If America ever did 1% of what he wanted us to do, then we'd all need pain killers."
This also could be said for listening to The Grateful Dead. No amount of stimulus could bring us unified joy.

Day One

WHAT WAS THE FIRST THING YOU DID IN THE OBAMA ERA ?

Thought Edward Kennedy was hogging the limelight
Had a cocktail
Had lunch
Had sex
Had sex again
Kiss
Paid bills
Told someone you loved them
Got a passport
Went on a diet
Fluffed your lines
Found a job
Lost a job
Joined the military
Started yoga
Wrote a song
Cut up a credit card
Gave birth
Listened to Beyonce again…
Got a bailout… another one
taxes

Finally...

MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU

"George Lucas 1977"

Royal Ass

We might share the same name and country but thank goodness nothing else. Following on blindly in his grandfathers footsteps, Prince Harry has yet again made a Royal Ass of himself.

Previous endeavors of bad taste have not held much sway with Officer Harry. It was a couple of years ago Harry turned up at a party in a Nazi uniform, only to have his pugnacious face splashed on every front page ink will allow.

Now, revealed as the nearest thing to a Royal sex tape, is video footage of officer Harry unleashing disparaging remarks about his own men. This recent incident exposes Harry using a racial slur towards a fellow Pakistani officer and making unflattering references to Arab headwear.

While it would be naive of me to think this behavior doesn’t exist. The example set by possibly (If William dies or becomes a Scientologist) a future King and commander of the British armed forces doesn’t look to promising.

Indeed the British taxpayer, who pays for these privileged souls to have the best education possible might think twice about the benefits Royalty has to offer them. Given the current economic collapse their actual worth must be considered a financial liability.

If you remember last summer, Officer Harry was keen to display his call to duty by demanding he fought on the front line in Afghanistan. Commendable perhaps, but a good PR stunt all the same. While on the front line he was protected by a brigade of Gurkhas who are warrior like and are fiercely loyal.

The Gurkhas hail from Nepal and last time I looked they have similar skin tone to Pakistanis. They might feel underappreciated considering they were risking their lives for him.

Historically, the Royal Family doesn’t have a good track record when it comes to bigotry and gaffes. Namely Prince Phillip who down the years has made racial slurs against the Chinese and the Queen Mother was a notorious bigot.

In today’s multicultural Britain (if its subjects want a Monarch) it needs to have a worthy modern Monarchy that accepts the variety and diverse cultures that now make up Great Britain. Officer Harry’s remarks leave a nasty stain that exhibit the changing of the old guard has some way to go.

It's a Madoff Madoff World

Breaking news... disgraced swindler Bernard Madoff has put his jewelry to good use, and bribed a TSA (Transport Security Administration) Hip Hop wannabe to let him board a plane bound for Egypt. It is there, reportedly he was smuggled through the only remaining tunnel into the Gaza Strip.

Images released today reveal a buoyant Madoff, wearing a fetching pair of olive green fatigues and supporting his trademark smirk.

He was later seen on top of a Nissan Truck brandishing a RPG (rocket propelled grenade) aimed at Tel Aviv. In a speech carried live over Fox news, he declared he could provide annual returns to the Palestine people of Falafel and Baba Ghanoush and he would not take a fee.

He went on to say that he had plans to develop Gaza into a new Palm Springs, and that Kevin Bacon would become its Mayor.

As word spread throughout the Strip, the sounds of tank fire and gunships melted away. The IDF (Israeli Defense Force) and reservists had put down their weapons in protest due to fact that their student loans and stipend for Hashish had evaporated under the leadership of Madoff Securities International.

Back in New York, Joan Rivers was gracious enough to cancel her twentieth face lift to report from the Anti - Defamation league headquarters, where its leader Abraham Foxman had this to say.

“Not content with fleecing his own people, he now present himself savior of Palestine, it’s enough to wake Ariel Sharon from his coma… “

HAPPY 2009

The thought of spending Christmas in a drafty Tree House battered by inclement weather on par with teacher training root canal surgery was not a delightful prospect.

So what does a Knight do? Indulge.

As Sting once sang “When the World is Running Down” lets head for the Dominican sound.

With that ringing in my ears I parked my bum on a jetBlue seat and headed for a warmer climate.

Now the normal three hour flight to the sun and sand was extended to an eight hour ordeal.

As we taxied towards lift off, our witty Captain announced that current snowy conditions was in complete contrast to where we were headed.

With that joyful piece of information I settled in to ponder eight days of Blissful Sloth.

As we approached the Dominican shoreline it soon became apparent that we where circling a large mountainous area and not descending to the beckoning seas below.

Sure enough we in a holding pattern because the plane ahead of us had just landed and collapsed on the runway. How does a plane collapse?
Poor thing… exhausted from hauling unruly Europeans was the cartoon image running through my head.

After more topological sightseeing it was made clear that we needed to be heading for some discount gas and nearby airport.

Having landed at the gate with doors open, we sat while Captain jetBlues lamented why he didn't fly faster to nudge out the offending plane.

We lost the race to the finish line. “It stinks” he said.

By now every ground crew member were down the aisles adding to the unfolding drama. With the sun bursting through the fiesta was underway.

Three hours later we landed beneath a Caribbean sunset… still better than dental surgery.

There is no better way to reflect on the past years woes with a swim in the
warm sea with a promise of a George Hamilton tan at the end of it.

As I thought of the “To Do List” for the coming year I gave a toast to
Barrack Obama with my aptly named Presidente beer (local brew).

His "To Do List" will be Herculean.

Back now in the Tree house curled up with a Barbara Carlton novel and Verve Clicquot on ice ready for prime viewing countdown.

As the late great John Lennon sang “Happy New Year let’s hope it's a good one”

Happy New Year to All.

Lame Ducking President

Considering the current mood of the world small comforts of tidings and joy are most welcome.
Just when Saturday Night Live was lamenting about no more Sarah Palin to prop up their ratings, an Iraqi journalist comes to the rescue and provides ample material for 2009.

George Bush is winding down his abysmal eight year tenure by making last round trips to beleaguered countries that have been at the butt end of an appalling foreign policy agenda. For the last two terms we have sadly come to know the man, the image and the body grammar.

The Tough Cowboy walk; his cheery wave, his bemused smirk, the stuttering splat of verbal delivery and the glazed look of a man with nothing between his ears that has provided us a Universe size of embarrassment.

And as the sensible people among us finally say good riddance and rejoice in the mental deleting process of the 43rd President, one can’t help luxuriate in the recent hilarity coming to our screens from Baghdad.
It was at a joint Press conference hosted by Iraqi President Nouri al Maliki that an Iraqi journalist unleashed a volley of sized ten shoes aimed at guess who? Yes, the two step cowering George Bush.

In the Arab world, throwing ones shoes at someone is the greatest of insults, and being called a dog isn’t exactly a harbinger of harmony. Of course this was lost on our gallant leader who later remarked he was unthreatened by such displays of displeasure.

It must be surmised that the sensible people of the world were in complete unison with this act of heroism and imagined it was they who were dispatching leather and lace.

It is rumored that the Olympic Committee are under great pressure to include this new discipline in 2012 London Games.

As to the journalist whereabouts ? he is probably being measured for his orange jump suit Gitmo bound, courtesy of Cheney Airways. Thankfully he might not have to stay long if President Elect Obama has his way.