Four Star Vagina

What do two four star generals’, one socialite woman, a woman biographer and a shirtless FBI agent have in common? The Military Industrial Complex.

That’s the cast so far, maybe there are more waiting on server farms.

The rapidly evolving tale of America’s Top spy and Military leader’s scandal has thrown the talk of the fiscal cliff off the headlines with alarming speed. 

And lets faced it; it’s far more interesting than that election nonsense we’ve just gone through.

For the uninitiated I would try explain the unfolding events but I can’t, because I am too stupid to work out all the confusing details, but in a nutshell it’s about men kneeling before the vagina altar. 

Hmm that’s more confusing isn’t, I will try and enlighten.

In a culture where we are petrified of the nipple, the female nipple to be precise, we are in some corridors of conservatism reduced to E Sex. 

Yes electronic digits buzzing across the screen like sperm swimming to the finish line. And boy can it cause trouble.

In this brave new world of Internet indulgence we are not shy to share our junk so to speak. Internet trolls, you know who you are. 

But the power of the vagina is old as dirt and what lengths men go too; to get one is a never ending narrative.

From a marketing point of view they come in all shapes and sizes, young and old (well preferably young) hair and bare, and some out of the box- it doesn’t matter because men are All In.

In military terms who needs nuclear bombs, drones and and aircraft carriers’ when all you need to dismantle the head of snake is a women, or a flotilla of them.

The biggest weapon in anyone’s arsenal is the female sex hence the Taliban’s determination to crush anything that resembles women. But there’s more, a lot more how about a vagina with brains! Crickets!! 

This is the ultimate force du jour and this sends men of all ranks into tail spin of lunacy.

For now we have one resignation and who knows what’s next, however as a historical footnote I seem to remember a chap by the name of Bill Clinton who had maneuvers under desk, on the desk and an additional smoking spy gadget. 

But this didn’t deter Bubba; the only way he was leaving office was through dying of Big Mac poisoning or with a firm guarantee of twelve crystal vagina's upon exit.

Enlightened? Thought so…

Signed Sealed and Delivered

In keeping with Stevie Wonders Signed Sealed and Delivered celebrating President Obama’s re election, I thought it would be fitting to suggest some songs that might reflect the next chapter in the White House.

If Bruce Springsteen, Bob Dylan, Jay Z, and Barbara Streisand are stumping for you, and your opponent’s rebuttal is Meatloaf and Kid Rock that should give you a little hint.

Starting with Bob Dylan’s ‘It’s All Over Now Babe Blue’ strikes me as a relief the whole two year campaign is over and that the outcome was a favorable blue color.

The Beatles ‘Money’ (That’s What I Want) should reinforce the absurdity of election money raised and wasted considering we are back to where we started. 

And collectivity Supertramps ‘Take the Long Way Home’ would indicate two years of slogging around the country woefully detrimental and accomplishes nothing in the way of governing. 

Again the Beatles ‘Taxman’ looks to the pending fiscal cliff and what to do about expiring tax breaks.

‘Stuck in the Middle with You’ the Stealer's Wheel original would expose the fractious relationship with Congress and departing from a centrist position to finally doing what is required. 

Kool and the Gang ‘Get down on it’ might be worth a spin.

Bruce Springsteen’s ‘Born in The USA’ should once and for all shut up Donald Stunt and the loony Birthers that testify otherwise.

And yet again the Beatles ’Come Together ‘(weren’t they political) states the obvious regarding the whole Nation.

Finally David Bowie's ‘Better Future’ exemplifies the desire we all seek.

‘Amen’…oh that’s a song by Justin Robert James and awfully good by the way.

The Needle And The Damage Done

Lance Armstrong’s decent into the bowels of ignominy was as quick as Felix Baumgartner’s free fall to earth, and about as stable 

as the US Postal Service, the teams sponsor.

To quote the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency there is "overwhelming" evidence Armstrong was involved as a professional cyclist in "the most sophisticated, professionalized and successful doping program." 

Armstrong has persistently maintained his innocence but the blockade of lies just could hold no more. 

The once impenetrable dam has broken and all conspirators are awash in confessions. The suspicious have been vindicated and the sports future once again thrown into disarray.

The great casualty in all this is the power of truth, that the triumphant endeavors are a mirage and done with deliberate dishonestly. There is a wonder and marvel at someone winning seven Tour de France. 

We have an awe-inspiring desire for it to be true. And yet it was all a sham, a mafia like syndicated group to keep the gravy train rolling and create myth.

The damage done erodes trust and that trust implicates future young riders and charities.

So when you see Lance whizzing down 5^th avenue as a bike messenger spare a thought for all those he let down.

The same could be said of Jimmy Savile, now dead who was the golden untouchable icon of British entertainment. Over three hundred charges of child abuse over several decades have come forward. 

While he raised millions for charity and worked in a hospital he also found it a playground for exploitation. 

The BBC knew all along, but turned a blind eye. One always had a high regard of the BBC’s legitimacy but that too has been eroded.

It’s not the scandal that kills you, it’s the cover up. 

The English punk band The Stranglers had a wonderful song called ‘No More Heroes’ maybe heroes aren’t what we need but a shred of veracity would be nice.

Primetime Prick

After days of infantile teasing Donald Stunt plus hairpiece revealed Wednesday that he had some very important news for America. 

Something so illuminating that at the stroke of mid day YouTube would break all viewership records. 

The tension was palpable, could it be -

• He was announcing marital infidelity with Mitt Romney thus the beachfront property in La Jolla was now a shared concern for Ann and the boys.
• That from now on he would be parting his hair to the right (extreme right)
• Or that he had finally arrived at reason and declared he was a new category of sub Neanderthal, and that the word ‘loathsome’ was far too benevolent to describe such a specimen. 
• Maybe he was really a part of the 47% and decades of bullshit in actual fact revealed he was broke and under water.
• Too thank New Yorkers and the World at large for their remarkable tolerance in putting up with his all round foulness and garish buildings.

But No, it was to perpetrate another stunt baiting President Obama into producing documents stating passport and college records. 

For five million dollars to a charity of choice, all could be revealed and the world could rest assure that ‘The Donald’ had done his civic duty.

How could we ever repay you for such a noble maneuver? 

It is a hollow offer mind, considering the demise of Trump holdings and just another boorish gesture from a primetime prick. 

Somewhere in that far off land called Trump, employees will revolt and vote to cut the video feed once and for all.

The Short Way Home

It was sunday when Felix Baumgartner got the all clear to lift off in a gigantic helium balloon up to the edge of space. 

His mission? To wrestle away the Free Fall record set in 1960 by Joe Kittinger and break the sound barrier – oh and sell some drinks.

Red Bull, the sponsor and friend to adrenalin junkies around the world were footing the bill with help from American experts from various agencies.

Along with the sound barrier being broken, the You Tube record was also eclipsed with millions of hits recorded.

With so much misery and vacuous trite in the world today and with so much of it relayed on the Net, It was wonderful to see an uplifting moment by way of a downward plunge, all captured in real time.

One could imagine a collective gulp as Felix bunny hopped away from his ledge into a tiny white dot within seconds. It was leap bordering on the divine all caught by helmet, chest and capsule cameras.

With added drama we witnessed a death spin, which resonated in human terms by cutaway shots of Felix’s love ones. At once we are reminded how insanely dangerous this commercial is, and like the best commercials we forget the product but remember the event.

Was it a stunt with scientific implications? Undeniably. Don’t drink Red Bull - Shit while… doing anything!!

One can’t imagine Felix ingesting a cocktail so as inviting as Glucuronolacton, Taurine, sugar, more sugar and Camel piss.

Interestingly in this election cycle we have two men citing the merits of government and private enterprise. President Obama makes the claim “Government built that” while Mitt Romney says business created everything, including Mormonism. 

They both have reasonable arguments, however private equity firms are more interested in slash and burn ; a parallel force of government and private sector has emerged particularly when it comes to Space achievements - the wonderful NASA led Mars landings and Virgin’s Galactic Space tours all point to a combined effort to push expedition and commerce into the future. 

It was the Taxpayers State built road that carried the capsule to the launch pad, while former NASA engineers rigged up a commercially funded balloon, jump suit, parachute and personnel. Don’t you wish Congress could work like that?

Before Sunday, Felix Baumgartner was not a house hold name. 

It took only nine minutes for that too change with a graceful glide onto a New Mexican desert.

Bravo!

47% Believe Mitt Romney Is An Ass

Well Well finally the real Mitt Romney has stood up, we were wondering when the closed country club gatherings would reveal the Heavenly Father’s mission statement. 

Apparently 47% (T- Shirts printing 24/7) of the country are complete right off’s, not worthy and not worth the trouble – victims!

It was at Boca Raton retreat for white, rich, self congratulatory; off the hook corporate raiders to lounge and luxuriate to the Chosen One to wax lyrical that the unwashed population of the Untied States are losers. 

A rally at the Reichstag in 1936 would have been more charitable!

Clearly this could be seen as a Gold medal for Team Obama and Shitts Wrongly would have to double down on remarks not to appear weak to the real leaders of the GOP Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity.

Q: How big is a hole? 

A: As big Mitt Romney wants to make it.

All those Super Pac donors must think Heck! I could have bought another yacht instead of donating to this ignorant cretin. 

It would be wonderful if all fund raising was over due to this latest gaffe, that the obscene amount of money wasted had come to a close - Wishful thinking perhaps. 

Romney states that 47% pay no Income Tax …Really? Clearly this is nonsense, what about payroll tax, and sales tax? 

Un Baptized freeloaders (half the country according to Shitts) depend on the government and take the view they are entitled to this for being an Obama supporter.

Apart from the aforementioned Rush and Sean the sensible Republicans (there are some somewhere) must be appalled at such a notion. 

It was with great reluctance that Romney got the nomination a testament to pitiful pool of candidates. 

It would be hard to see him recovering from this. What we have known all along has come out in full bloom; it paints a picture of closeted, sanctimonious mercenary’s hell bent on controlling the country. 

Not happy with domestic losers Mitt makes the case that all of Palestine wants Israel’s destruction total and unconditional; 

All this from a man that inhabits a faux cult and wants to convert Jews to his Latter Day hogwash.

An election as close as this was always going to come down to an act of empathy. 

Which would you rather have someone who understands a little what working / non working people are going through or someone who divorced from reality?

Game Over Mitt, now disappear down your hole, and leave us losers to repair the country.

Start spreading the news...

It was a turbulent affair at the US Tennis final yesterday between Andy Murray and defending champion Novak Djokovic. The weekend’s tornado caused thankfully no fatalities or much damage but didn’t half play havoc with the serve and cross court coverage of these two passionate players.

Flushing Meadows might as well been the coliseum where two gladiators were battling it out rather than a corporate tennis court flushed with chilled chardonnay. 

Much was riding on the efforts of Andy Murray who had been in four Grand Slam finals with no joy thus harboring British doubts that the last person to win a major was Fred Perry in 1936 would stay that way. No pressure then Andy?

The desire for a major had become an obsession for Queen and Country and the relentless press. The burden heaped on Murray’s shoulders must have been exhausting and confounding. 

After a disappointing Wimbledon final losing to Roger Federer a repeat match for gold in the Olympics saw a transformed player. 
Winning the gold has been monumental in the confidence building started by his coach and champion Ivan Lendl. 

Fittingly so Lendl lost his first four grand slams before marching on to eight titles. His involvement has been a much needed catalyst to kick start the often dour Scot into a more relaxed focused player.

Wickedly, in true British humor he was portrayed as British when winning and Scottish when losing. This naturally upsets Scotland’s chief wanker Sir Sean Connery or James Bond who was in attendance along with Manchester United’s manager Alex Ferguson, Scotland’s second favorite son.

Andy is Scottish not British! Connery would retort, all coming from a man who wants independence from Britain but accepted a Knighthood and lives in the Bahamas! Nice reasoning Mr. Bond. 

I know Sean, it’s the weather, but the Scottish weather helped Andy navigate the hefty winds on Arthur Ash to spectacular win against former champ and ‘Dr. No’ Djokovic

Now back to the Tennis; this was a five hour, five set epic with displays of excellence by both players that inspire one as much as the Olympics and Para Olympics did this summer, which is more than can be said about our footballer players regardless of what country they come from.

Sir Andy Murray? Stop it Mr. Bond…