Swine Crime

Swine crime equals prime time. Vice President Joe Biden tells the Nation to stay still, don’t move, do not go on subways,buses,trains and airplanes and please please, do not kiss (when was the last time he rode the subway). Life is over peeps.

It’s a government conspiracy. The US is trying to deter the Mexican immigrant and kill off the drug cartels, but wait a minute. Mexico City is a city of 20 million, so far one hunderd dead, more died eating the tequila worm. Hey it's Cinco de Mayo… Ah such timing.

No really, contrary to what Pink Floyd might visualize, pigs can’t fly, besides there are trade restrictions. Leave the swine alone they laugh with George Orwell at this people folly. This is a human virus Influenza A carried by humans, its humans versus humans folks. It is Obama’s 101 day in office, hasn’t he got enough on his plate?

But that hasn’t quashed madness among the Egyptians; they are slaughtering every known pig. I thought Muslims refrained from pork; such confusion, such panic.

But Mayor Bloomberg reacts and attacks convention wisdom; he is going to ride the entire NYC subway system twice just to prove how crazy we are, but that the still leaves out Staten Island. Crumbs what will happen to Staten Island?

Up the in the Tree House one can see things with alarming clarity, the Nanny State continues to prosper.

Nothing To Lose

The first bloody test for the Obama administration came by way of Somali pirates seeking treasure from the West, or so it’s perceived. Despite the thuggish element that permeates our understanding of this unending saga, the problem is as big and complex as the Indian Ocean.

Since the early nineties when Somalia descended into hell on earth making Afghanistan in comparison a walk through a Chelsea garden show, it fell prey to tribal warlords, menacing Sharia law and a sabotaged fishing industry. Somalia can be clearly described as a lawless state with nothing but misery upon the horizon. Since the collapse the Asians and Europeans have been fishing illegally leaving Somali with no source of income and a coastline bordering on extinction.

Fisherman now become pirates out of sheer survival, nothing to with religion or imposed agenda. And if that wasn’t enough, not content with depleting the coastline the European feels it’s quite appropriate to dump their nuclear waste with complete immunity.

In 2005 when the Tsunami rolled on through, it washed up toxic waste that resulted in severe health problems for the Somalia population. While I don’t diminish the fear of been taken hostage and would very much like to have Navy Seal’s precision firepower on my side, the outcome sadly is inconclusive. There will be more hostages, perhaps with messy endings not as fortunate as this recent one and let’s face it, when you’ve got nothing, you’ve got nothing to lose.

So spare a thought when you tuck into that juicy Tuna Steak in some fabulous restaurant, did it leave you with a good taste in your mouth?

Good Sense Friday

It has been a few weeks now since the Pope visited North Africa and declared the use of condoms forbotten in the fight against AIDS. For once words failed me (some might be happy about that) in the monstrous lunacy from the Vatican and its CEO Benedict XVI.

The former South African President Thabo Mbeki also had a fanciful notion that AIDS was not caused by HIV. Have leaders of politics and faith completely taken leave of their senses?

Just when the sheer weight of denial crushed me, I came upon a video by a wonderful artist called Patrick Boivin. He articulated this act of insanity better than any words could offer, so sensible Christians and others please enjoy Revelations version 1.0 on Good Sense Friday…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lh0ZB9OD_fg

The Japanese Way

Finally a politician with some balls to articulate the mood of the bailout fatigued taxpayer. Charles Grassley a Republican Senator from Iowa commenting on the latest AIG bonus revelation declared that the executives should employ the Japanese formula; bow, apologize then commit suicide.
Harsh language perhaps,but a growing thirst for action from the public shares these sentiments. Since then he has retracted the suicide part. The fact that the taxpayer owns eighty percent of AIG and is basically furnishing certain employees with payouts leaves one with the desire to take up arms, in this case a Samurai sword.

It is also unnerving to know that in the final Bush days; then Treasury Secretary hooligan Hank Paulson negotiated the bailout of AIG so that his old company Goldman Sachs could receive a $12.6 billion owed, while his old competitors Lehman Bros and Merrill Lynch perished or got swallowed. I have to say that I love the argument put forward by corporate leaders that “If we don’t pay compensation then you run the risk of losing your best people. Well if every bank is insolvent or receiving bailout money where the hell would these clever buggers find a job?

It must be said that Scum Airways since its inception has been awfully busy, after picking members of AIG, it plotted a course for the grandfather of the GOP, Dick Cheney the Josef Fritzl of Neo Cons. This putrid sack of vermin has the gall to deny any culpability for the economic woes now underway and further states that the nation is at more risk from an attack than ever before. Exercising as usual the fear mantra that worked so well under his watch, he brilliantly neglects the fact that in large part the financial deregulation under the Bush administration has put more fear into the hearts and minds of the American people than a bunch of orange jump suited radicals. Serve your country Dick, fall on your sword it’s the only way for America’s Most Wanted.

As the Empire State building comes into view, Scum Airways finds its way uptown at the charming residence of the Madoff’s. There inside Ruthless Ruth fusses over the silverware and ponders over how to spend Bernie’s money, completely delusional how one man alone can produce account statements for all the thousands of investors…Hmm perhaps a turn around and head for the SEC downtown and pick up the criminals who knew along what Madoff was up too, but the gravy tasted way too good to intervene.
Then let’s fly over the CNBC studios and tune in to that clown Jim Cramer who constant cheerleading for various companies left investor’s thinking they were on ‘The Price Is Right’

And while there’s gas in the tank, why not fly down to West Palm Beach and land on some ghastly golf course and pick up the GOP’s real leader Rush Limbaugh. Now this carbuncle on the face reason likes to make you think that he’s the voice of the Party, but in fact this cigar chomping, buffoon gangster couldn’t care less about anything other than ratings for his talk show. The real crime here is that millions tune in and believe him.

But it is ok folks we have enough Samurai swords on board.

Nothing New on the Horizon

It has been bleeding ages since I’ve seen a live David Letterman show, let alone five in a row.
Last week it became the launch pad of U2 returning to claim its throne as rock’s greatest band.
In a climate of Teen pop, Rap and Hip hop the relevance of a rock band is a challenge U2 loves to embrace.

Being earnest and highly ambitious at the same time, they strive to make music that endures and flies of the shelf (or downloads) at a brisk pace.
The fact U2 sought it wise to play every night on the Letterman show illustrates their days of heavy radio play are diminishing. Prone to commerce stunts such as the Letterman show and Apple’s release of the IPod for their last album, reflects a marketing campaign hell bent on maximum exposure and maximum profits. The days of albums resting on the top of the charts for months on end finished long ago.

One bright spot in the Rock genre would be Coldplay, who’s last album ‘Viva la Vida’ sold over six million copies worldwide. Ironic perhaps, considering they've made a career of lifting practically every note from U2.
So with that in mind, what does U2 have to worry about? (Assuming they worry)

They will fill stadiums across the planet, and over a two year touring cycle even with recession priced tickets will satisfy Live Nation’s investment leaving them to restart the Celtic Tiger.
Well that’s the money side.

With all that bollocks said, Is the music any good?
Ahem…great in parts, but not an epic. They have made an U2 record that will please loyal fans,but falls short of recruiting new fans. It feels and sounds as if they have relied on old influences such as The Beatles, Bowie, Talk Talk, Led Zeppelin, Sting and The Who fused with the trademark U2 sound.
While these are wonderful artists to emulate there is no daring or surprise. The album sounds safe among its surroundings. Brilliant producers as Brian Eno and Daniel Lanios are, it is time for them to disappear. Where are the women producers in this business? It is time ladies.
I can hear Alison Goldfrapp, Kate Bush, Tori Amos and Feist making sizable contributions. If Bono and the boys want to be The Irish Beatles, hire one of them, or all of them. There’s your moment of surrender.

Standout songs: Cedars of Lebanon, Moment of Surrender and Unknown Caller.
Ones to delete: White as Snow and Fez.

Out of five tree houses, I give them three and a half.

Scum Airways

Yet another example of greed and shame has arisen to cheer up taxpayers of the world. The Royal Bank of Scotland, Britain’s largest Bank has gone tits up, causing its CEO Sir Fred Goodwin into premature retirement and a pension of sixteen million pounds, Goodwin indeed.

While the British government pumps some twenty billion into another calamitous failure, Sir Freddy walks away ferociously unapologetic .This latest act of financial rape puts Prime Minister Gordon Brown in an uncomfortable position to how he can crush the raising anger from the British taxpayer. Mr. Brown has voiced his concern, that it is unacceptable, unjustifiable and so on, but still calls him Sir Freddy.
With that kind of affectionate talk it is hard to believe that anything approaching redemption is possible.

This leaves me with no alternative but to devise a Scum Directory and those who qualify will be picked up by Scum Airways. Now Scum Airways has just secured an order of the 380 Airbus and at this time, ten brand new bailout sized beauties are starting their engines.

The magnificent ‘Sully’ Sullenbeger will head the team of spirited pilots whose mission is to pick up every charlatan, fraudster and coward connected with taxpayer’s grief and fly them to the Afghan /Pakistani border whereupon they will be booted out to the welcoming arms of the Taliban, a place incidentally, where American Express is not accepted.

If there are any survivors they will be rounded up by the CIA and flown to Crawford, Texas, whereby an unemployed George Bush will take great pleasure in the fine art of water boarding.

Just some of our passengers so far:
Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld: Creators of the biggest military Ponzi scheme.
Bernie Madoff: Madoff Securities.
Allen Sansford: Sanford Financial.
Kenneth Lewis: Bank of America.
John Thain: Merrill Lynch.
Sir Fred Goodwin: Royal Bank of Scotland.
Donald Fuld: Lehman Bros.
Chuck Prince, Vikram Panit: Citigroup.
Hank Greenberg: AIG.
Jimmy Cayne : Bear Stearns.
John Mack: Morgan Stanley.
Angelo Mozilo: Countrywide.
Securities Exchange Commission: Blind, Deaf and Dumb
Rick Wagoner: GM.
Robert Nardelli : Chrysler.
Allan Mulally: Ford Motor Company.
Lloyd Blankfein, Robert Rubin, Hank Paulson: Goldman Sachs.
Rush Limbaugh:Moral coward

Scum Airways coming to a landing strip near you.

Come back...whether deserved or not

By now the bizarre behavior of mountain man Joaquin Phoenix on the David Letterman show has made headway with top ten downloads. While strange and sometimes repugnant behavior isn’t new among celebrities who crave constant stroking, this recent burst of tomfoolery has twits who twitter twittering.

Who cares? One might scream, quite right would be the answer. Our perverse need for celebrity as a measuring stick for all things vicarious endures without solution. For some, when celebrity falls off the tracks it’s ever so tempting to stare at the wreckage.

The fact that a talented actor has declared his retirement from acting and has started a new career as a Rap Artist in a climate of downloading and shrinking revenue streams is fanciful and comical. Is it a joke? Is it real? Is it drugs clouding judgment?

The fact that Letterman was not clued into the joke or the drugs made the interview more compelling.

We are in the throes of “Come Back” time. We had Brittany shaving her head, dropping/losing her kids, bashed out on tequila and lack luster dance steps. Now the wholesome beaming smile has returned to a toned body that is ready to conquer the world.

The highly talented Robert Downey Jr. Exits from jail after deep heroin abuse to lead roles that earn him Oscar’s nominations.

Even the wonderful voice of Whitney Houston has sold her crack pipe and is making Clive Davies smile again, and lastly the craggy bad ass, Mickey Rourke after of years in the wilderness is the real favorite to win best actor in a leading role at the Academy Awards.

America loves a comeback, whether deserved or not.

The envelop please.

Will this determine if mountain man Phoenix is a comeback or an actor’s final Rap?